Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The power of my boobs compel you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
