We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
