you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
