you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize