It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I want her autograph on my taint
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
