Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Enjoy the penises
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
