He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
