Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
