I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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