hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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