i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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