Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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