You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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