We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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