Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
