I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
