Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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