i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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