Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
