All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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