She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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