someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize