he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
