ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They are going to name an STD after you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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