The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
