Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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