Yo dont text me then not text me
I bet he comes in French.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize