i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
