I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
