why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
