Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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