Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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