The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
