dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize