Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
