We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
