i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
