my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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