shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
