I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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