He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
