I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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