1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
