Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Floor bacon is actually really good
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
