What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
