i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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