Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
