I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
