I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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