When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
