apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
