someone threw a dead crab at me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
