worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
