Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
