you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
