your thong is hanging out like whoa
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
