Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize