I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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