Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
