Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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