how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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