all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
