I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize