I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize