Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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