i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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