xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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