her vagine was all disorganized.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
