U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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