My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
