the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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