Is it normal to miss your booty call?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize