ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
