i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
