In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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