Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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