He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
