We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I touched a dick in church today
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
