Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
