I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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