At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
worst night to have a conscience
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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