If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
