Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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