Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
