i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize