You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
