Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
