I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
