I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i out mim tonsoeep
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