My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
