this must be what syphilis tastes like
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
