stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
