Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
