This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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