he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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