so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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