I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
