i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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