he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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