I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
