Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I AM VODKA MAN
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
