erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
bring money and cleavage
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
