I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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