he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
