my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
