He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
